.sarahi.hime. (sarahilicious) wrote in dulcecielo,

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Bleach: Bunnies and Condoms

Title: Bunnies and Condoms
Author: sarahilicious
Genre: Humor, Romance
Anime/Cartoon/Movie/Book: Bleach
Pairing: Ichigo and Orihime, implied Renji and Rukia
Rating: Teen
Spoilers: None
Summary: ONESHOT. It's Orihime's birthday and she's planning to do something cute! But a few of her friends interfere and try to make it unforgettable! Filled with condoms and bunnies, it's Orihime's birthday! [Complete]

Comments: I wrote this story for Orihime's birthday back in September. So Happy Belated Birthday, Orihime!

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach, Ichigo or Orihime.

“For my birthday, I want to dress up as a bunny! The cute outfit that all the birthday girls are wearing.”

The whole classroom got quiet and just stared at Orihime after she was done speaking. The boys were especially eyeing her and picturing the brown haired girl in that bunny outfit all the girls were wearing for their birthdays.

“Why is Inoue going to wear that sexy outfit?”

Rukia turned to Ichigo when he asked the question and smirked. “Because it’s her birthday and she can do what she wants.”

Orihime smiled at everyone and then waved. “Please come to my birthday celebration!”

Keigo nodded along with other guys who were all drooling at the thought of seeing a bit more skin on Orihime. Ichigo noticed that not only guys from their class were nodding but older guys from the other classes were peeping through the door and nodding. This irritated him and he turned to Rukia with a scowl.

“All the perverts from this whole school should just stay home and not go to Inoue’s birthday party.” He stuffed a book in his backpack before beginning to zip it up, clearly annoyed.

Rukia grinned and leaned in towards to him before speaking. “Then you won’t be going, Mister Closet Perv.” The dark haired girl stepped away and resumed in packing her things with a “Ku Ku Ku”.

Ichigo glared at her, throwing his bag over his shoulder. “Shut up, idiot.”

Everyone, 99% of them being guys, were excited to see Orihime in her bunny outfit. So excited that right when the bell rang to signal the end of the school day, they all quickly ran over to the big breasted girl’s house to await this wonderful surprise!

By the time Ichigo got to Orihime’s house, it was five in the evening and the crowd in front of her apartment was huge! It reminded him of when Don Kanonji came over to film and people were excited to see their favorite hero live!

Ichigo just continued to scowl as he began making his way through the crowd. The gift he’d gotten her was being held tightly and Ichigo almost punched a guy when he tried to take it away from him. “Get your own present!” he yelled over the crowd, before pushing through some guys who were whistling and yelling out a few perverted things. The orange haired boy would have probably punched and beat the crap out of both boys if it hadn’t been for an interruption coming up from Orihime’s door.

Everyone got quiet and all eyes were on the door while holding their breath. Even Ichigo was like this, clutching the bag so hard that his knuckles were now white.

Out stepped a fat rabbit! It was so fat that you couldn’t even see Orihime’s face. The rabbit then started dancing and waving its arms around while dancing to an imaginary song.

Loud groans of disappointment could be heard from the crowd and even Ichigo found the feeling of disappointment at the fact that this was the bunny suit Orihime was talking about. Everyone had been expecting too much sexy moments when Orihime had said, “Cute bunny suit!”

Mentally smacking himself, Ichigo shook his head and thought that he should have realized this was what Orihime meant when she said cute. Looking up, Ichigo found that the crowd was now diminishing and a large part of him was glad too. Who needed them for her birthday? With that, the boy continued his way up to his friend’s apartment.

Meanwhile, in Orihime’s apartment…

“Kuchiki-san, my breasts are going to pop out.” Orihime was regarding herself in her mirror while she tried hard to pull the top portion of the suit over her breasts. Since they were so big, they couldn’t all be covered.

“Inoue, they’re perfect, right Renji?” With one hand on her hips, Rukia stepped back and surveyed her marvelous work

The fat rabbit stepped into the room and took off his head to reveal a sweaty red haired Shinigami. At the sight of Orihime, Renji’s face turned red and his jaw almost dropped.

“Idiot! Don’t look at her!” Rukia yelled, before grabbing a brush to throw it at him. “Turn around!”

He managed to miss the brush and quickly turned away. “You told me to look!” Not long after saying that, Renji threw the rabbit’s head in a bag. He tries to peel the suit off of him and a look of disgust is featured in his expression. “Rukia, this suit smells!”

Orihime could do nothing but stare at Renji while Rukia continued to ‘fix’ her outfit and make her look like she was a seductress. At the sound of Renji’s complaint, Rukia straightened up and walked over to him. “Take it off, we’re done.”

“Kuchiki-san, why do I have to wear this?” Sure she’d wanted to wear a bunny suit, but the one she had in mind was being worn by Renji.

“Because it’s your birthday and you have to be sexy. Besides, there’s someone that wanted you to wear this.”

Renji looked over at Rukia and raised an eyebrow before realization dawned on him and he too had the same smirk that Rukia was now possessing.

Orihime looked from Rukia to Renji and back to Rukia before asking, “Really, who?”

At this, the short Shinigami smirked before grabbing Rabbit Renji and walking over to the window. With one final wave, they both jumped out and Orihime was left alone in her apartment.

Making her way over to the window, Orihime peered out and both of her friends were no where to be found. “Eh?”

A knock on the door came, grabbing Orihime’s attention so the girl went to answer it. Opening the door, Orihime found herself staring up at Ichigo.


Ichigo’s eyes were wide and after quickly looking her over his face had a small tint of red on his face. “Inoue! What happened to your other outfit?” Wasn’t she wearing that thing that looked like road kill?

“Oh, it ran out of the window.” Orihime stepped to the side and extended her arm to offer him to come in.

The substitute Shinigami stared at the girl for a moment more before looking out the window. It ran out of the window? He turned his attention back to Orihime who was looking very sexy. “Eh… Happy Birthday Inoue.” He held out the present to her and tried his hardest to keep his gaze on her big brown eyes.

Orihime smiled, took the present in her hands and peeked inside. Ichigo was pleased to know that she likes it but his expression changed into a shocked one when she pulled out a box of condoms.

“Thank you, Kurosaki-kun. Demo, why did you get me condoms?” Orihime looked up at him with a puzzled expression.

“WHAT!?” Ichigo snatched the bag back and looked inside to look for his present. When he didn’t find it, Ichigo stared at the box of condoms and glared at it. “Rukia!”


“So that’s what she was doing… that idiot,” he said through gritted teeth.

When Ichigo had come out of the shower in the morning, he’d found Rukia peeking into the bag that held his present for Orihime. He’d asked her what she was doing and Rukia had only chuckled evilly before saying she was only seeing what he’d gotten Orihime so that she wouldn’t get her the same thing. Now he knew what she had really been doing. How embarrassing, he thought, as he continued to eye the condoms.

Orihime looked up at him quizzically before smiling. “Thank you, Kurosaki-kun.” She then took the box of condoms and put them away in one of her drawers.

“Why are you keeping them?” Ichigo would have thrown them away or something because why would he keep condoms?

The girl shrugged before tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. “They’re a gift from Kurosaki-kun and well…” her cheeks became pink and she had to avert her gaze to the floor. “I might need them someday.”

His eyes widened and he stared at Orihime in a way that he couldn’t even explain himself. “Why would you need them?” was all that managed to come out of his mouth.

“For safe sex, of course!” Orihime laughed, filling the room with that cheerful atmosphere.

This seemed to bother Ichigo because he frowned and asked his next question with an angry tone. “Do you even have someone to do that with?” It was only after he asked the question that he realized what and how he’d asked it. Feeling ashamed, he shook his head and looked at Orihime in the eyes. “You don’t have to tell me. I didn’t mean to ask…”

Watching him closely with soft eyes, Orihime nodded and took a step towards him. “Kurosaki-kun, thank you very much.”

At this, Ichigo blinked and wondered what she was thanking him for. “For what?”

“For being the Kurosaki-kun that I know.”

Ichigo smiled and shrugged. “Don’t thank me.”

The brown eyed girl smiled along with him and took another step to hug him.

To him, this was very shocking so it took him a while before his arms eventually wrapped themselves around her.

The hug only lasts for a moment because Orihime pulled away with a sad expression on her face. “No one stayed to celebrate my birthday! I even baked a cake!” She crossed her arms over her chest and that made her breasts look like they were just about to pop out from their hold.

Ichigo noticed this and immediately looked away only to look down at her hips and thighs. Mentally cursing himself, he looked away and observed that he was now looking at her kissable lips. His eyes darted from her lips over to the condom box where his face suddenly grew hot. “Inoue! Let’s just go out to eat. I’ll pay, there’s no need for us to stay here.” He swallowed back as much heat as he could and scratched the back of his neck.

Wondering if he’s okay, Orihime nodded slightly. “Alright, let’s go.” She started to walk over to the door.

“Hey! What are you doing!?” Ichigo stood between Orihime and the door, blocking the way out without noticing he was doing it.

Surprised, Orihime studied him before shrugging. “Eto… well you said we were going to go out to eat.”

“But you need to change! You can’t go out looking like that.”

The girl blinked before her expression changes into a horrified one. “Do I look bad?”

Ichigo ran a hand through his hair before shaking his head. “No, you look great and that’s the problem. Guys will get an eyeful if you go out like that. It’s best if you change.” After saying this, Ichigo moved his gaze over to the small table that was in the center of Orihime’s room.

Orihime isn’t stupid and it slowly dawns on her what is going on. Her heart skipped a beat and she nodded. “Okay, I’ll go change.” She turned around and picked out a set of clothes before walking into the restroom to change.

When Orihime emerged from the bathroom, she found that Ichigo went outside to wait for her. Closing the door behind her, Orihime goes to stand beside Ichigo and looked up at him with a big smile. Ichigo felt that warm feeling in his chest and smiled back at her. “I’ll give you my real birthday gift tomorrow, okay?”

She continued to smile. “Okay, Kurosaki-kun.”

“Happy Birthday, Inoue.” He turns to walk down the stairs and suddenly stops when he feels his hand being taken by someone else. He looked down at his hand and saw Orihime’s hand with it. Looking up at her, his expression was a serious one but a surprised serious.

“Arigatou, Kurosaki-kun.” She smiled up at him and gently pulled him forward as she continued to walk down the stairs.

Ichigo resumed his walking and he can feel himself smiling as he too goes down the stairs. Together, they walk away holding hands.
Tags: bleach, humor, ichihime, one-shot, renruki, romance
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